His family failed to find him a bride during his young adulthood, so still he lives at home. Stricken by cultural norms and tradition, he is not allowed to start his own life without a woman by his side. He will remain a mohlankana - a boy, unmarried - under their thatched roof until his family finds his “Ms. Appropriate.” Even if he does choose to marry without his family’s full consent, this does not give him freedom to plan his own future. One’s parents are the only people who can traditionally prepare a married couple for the “ways of living.” Almost everything within each clan and their family culture is alike – this world depends on repetition and continuity. It is what keeps tradition thriving.

From infancy, the child learns to earn his or her place among the people of their clan. The child must learn to “see” the ways of the clan and then he or she is accepted as a member. As an observer and a person playing a role in this culture, I understand the deep connections that the Basotho have with one another. Bonds that I see, I cannot learn in a classroom. I am ambitious to walk with this culture and their traditions.

By his late twenties, an age considered “old”, a female accepts his family’s offer for marriage. Once the female accepts marriage, the male’s family has to pay her family a lobola – dowry of 22 cattle as compensation to the bride’s family. This is paid because the bride indefinitely leaves her family and resides under the roof of the groom’s. If not rewarded freedom, the couple resides indefinitely.

It is like early 20^th-century America. The America my grandparents reminisce about so frequently.

Americans marry for “true love.” From an early age, young Americans seem to bounce from mate to mate until “true love” is found. It seems the only traditional standard for an American male is to ask the female’s parents for their honor to take their daughter as his wife. In Lesotho, culturally, a married couple is expected to never break the vows of marriage. Whereas, in America, divorce tends to be a social norm and often encouraged if one is “unhappy” with his/her marriage. It is no longer a taboo to get divorced, unlike in Lesotho.

Life in Lesotho and most of developing Africa is shaped by clans and their origins that are strung together by ancestral relations. Families here worry about more than just their nuclear ties. Parents have many children in hopes that some children will become wealthy and financially support the family and their extended family. Having a large family promotes reliance. This is passed throughout generations and lessens the burden for the family as a whole. However, at times, worrying about relatives and their relatives proves to be problematic because their dependence has weakened the nuclear family’s strength.

In the states, family life may or may not consist of a married couple or even a man and a woman together sharing a “family” lifestyle. Our definition of family is loose. Most often, families consist of no more than just immediate family members. Each family has its own customs woven from generations ago or recently started. There are always social standards within each family’s traditions. In America, we believe it is our right to be different.

Families here look after one another. The life of Basotho is progress that is slow and has much difficulty, a hardship they endure with amazing patience and humor. In Lesotho, the sense of community is a village functioning as one. There is a solidarity that lives and breathes here. This cohesion is what creates the social fabric. Their permanence is family. This lifestyle is strong and colorful, where everyone has a traditionally assigned role and everyone understands their duties. Community is not based on material things or territorial grounds. This binds Africans closest to who they are and what they stand for – family and tradition.

Basotho take care of one another. They enter a world of dreams together. One’s difficulty is another’s. Although they may not get far and their world may not be developed, they are happy. It is not a world of every person for himself. The Basotho live a traditional lifestyle preoccupied with taking care of one another.

He considers marriage a destination and will fulfill his role as Ntate – a man. Their family path is already carved into the ground, and the road I come from is not entwined the same. The first-world family life I was born to is woven differently. Culture is not the same everywhere, but throughout the world there are similarities and differences woven within every society – that each of us can learn from.

I get this insight because I live here not out of oblivion, but rather out of awareness to see and to make a bond. 

Is marrying for cultural respect or for true love best? Who can honestly say what is best for any culture? It seems that every nation has a different road to discover and travel.  Basotho appreciate building things from scratch and have no desire for instant gratification. Africa has taught me that less is more and life goes beyond material items. Every day, we are sharing ideas to unite this world.

(IF YOU ARE INTERESTED, THERE IS ANOTHER ARTICLE BELOW THAT I SUBMITTED TO wbsm 1420 TALK SHOW.) keep reading!